Turkey Day Survival Tips

Are your relatives no fun, aggressively religious or just plain boring? Or do you have an awesome family to party it up with on this our most gluttonous of American holidays? Regardless of your holiday company, if you follow the advice after the jump, you should be able to optimize both your food and alcohol consumption and ensure you will end the night full, buzzed and completely satisfied.

Start Off Light! Do not fill yourself up with rich things before you even get the party started. Steer clear from (too much) cream cheese dips, sweets & pastries, bread, high alcohol beers and wine. Yes it is fine to have a taste but make sure to limit the intake of these rich foods or you will crash and burn way before you even get going. Stick with the salsas, fruit and cheeses and make sure to drink a lighter beer; a brown or a pale ale is always a good choice. If you must drink wine, stick with white or you will get sleepy real fast. Do not waste your time on eggnog, that stuff is like liquid lead!

Pace Yourself! You are an adult, you should be able to do this. Whether it be with the food or the beer, do not over do it - your job is to consume, if you vacuum everything up on full power, you will have no chance of filling your whole bag before it bursts. As the old saying goes; this is a marathon not a sprint! Knowing your body's proper 'happy' ratio of beer to food is key before attempting such a schedule of consumption.

Dinner is the half way mark, now is your time to shine! Make sure you try everything but do not take too much all at once; you can always have seconds! As for drink, now is the time to start compensating for all that food in your belly by drinking stronger stuff. I like to switch to red wine at this point or the dark and heavy beers; porters, stouts or even IPAs.

Tryptophan is a Joke! Do not let the placebo effect or your "intelligent" uncle tell you otherwise, you are not extra sleepy, you are regular sleepy and you are just getting full. Getting is the key word, you are not done yet so do not take to the couch like the other fat slobs, stick it out, have something salty or caffeinated and get ready for more!

Kick it Up a Notch in the booze department. You will not be awake for too much longer so it is time to really get that buzz going. Try a whiskey or a bourbon to help make you feel less full and more happy. If you are not into that, a dry dessert wine or a nice Belgian beer will really set you straight. Just beware of the dessert drink's sugar content, you may lose steam if you throw back one of those calorie cocktails.

Dessert is for People Who Have Not Drank Enough Beer Yet! OK, so dessert is going to happen and you are not going to miss out on it but do make sure that it is at least soaked in rum or is followed with a nice sweet beer you can finally take with you to the couch in victory.

If you follow these guidelines, understand and listen to your body and have nowhere to drive to till the next morning, I think you will thank me in the comments.

Cheers and Happy Turkey Day-